Mouse at Midnight

Author's note: The following is meant to come before Turn on, Toon in, Drop out and should be read in that order.

MOUSE AT MIDNIGHT

COPYRIGHT RESERVED TO DISNEY

RUSSELL SIMMONS AS NARRATOR
FILMED BY JERRY (No last name given)
DO NOT DISTRIBUTE

RECORDED MARCH 3RD 1996

*We’re rolling!*

“Hi, I’m Russell, and this is our unofficial study on the Disneyland park.”

{PAN LEFT}

“As many are aware, this park is restricted to cleaning staff and behind the scenes people. We figured out their patterns, and they all center around a specific hub, with the exception of New Orleans Square. We’re going to use that as our springing ground to investigate the two most mysterious parts of the park. First, the entrance into Club 33, reported to be easily accessible at night, and second, the odd addition of a gate for the Toontown part of the park, and lack of security sweeps beyond it. So this isn’t just an excuse to get some cheap alcohol.

{CAMERA CUTS TO THE MONORAIL STATION}

“We’re going to use the Monorail as a decoy. They’ll expect people to enter via that way. But we’ll pull the brake partway through, and exit into the park using parachutes, landing by Club 33. Following that, we can use the Club as a respite, then plan our way to Mickey’s Toontown. The way I see it, if we can sneak into the most guarded part of the park, Mickey’s house, and take back a souvenir, that’ll make us look really cool!”

[Disney management here. This is not advised for many reasons, but we’re focusing on the one in particular here. Also, we’ll add captions to this tape for clarity.]

{CUT TO INSIDE OF MONORAIL}

“You got things set, Jerry?”

*Yeah, it’s all good to go!*

[Due to security reasons, we can’t show you how they overrode the Monorail. In fact, we don’t know how they did it either! The tape’s focused out the window for a while.]

{FILM RESUMES IN CLUB 33}

“Oh, man. I can’t believe the camera’s still working! Uh, we’re in the Club 33 area. Turns out they’re experimenting with an audio sensor.”

[They got in by using a toy whistle, and I swear we had no clue that the equipment was that sensitive!]

“So, we’re going to need to evade the guards. The train’s locked up, but the island is a possibility. We’re heading to the Tom Sawyer raft dock, and going over there while the techs work on Fantasmic for tomorrow.”

*Why the island, Russ?*

“My camera guy would like me to tell you exactly what the hey is happening, but I’d rather show you.”

[Edit here for time.]

{TOM SAWYER ISLAND AT NIGHT}

CLICK!

“Ah! Jeez, that is one bright flashlight. Ok, here we are, the pirate caves.

{QUICK PAN SHOWING THE SKELETONS, THEN BACK TO RUSSELL}

“I basically found this one by accident. Turns out one of the gems in this pile works as a key in one of the skull eye sockets. It’s got a blue tone, and it’s a diamond.

*What do you mean, blue? Diamonds aren’t blue!*

“I have no idea what you’re shouting, but I found it. See? It has a light blue shade, so the Employees can tell what it looks like. The passage opens into a secret tunnel, and that lets out at Fantasyland. We can head from there to Toontown. Just let me put this in…

{A DOOR OPENS IN THE ROCK}

[Ah, I’d wondered what had happened to that plan for a secret passage. The door’s closed now, FYI.]

“OK, stay close.”

{MICKEY’S TOONTOWN ENTRANCE}

[They got here because we were distracted by the monorail. Won’t happen again.]

“Now how do we get in? They’d have to be able to open the gates somehow.”

*Wait! The population counter!*

“Wait a moment, yeah! That could be a combination lock. But what would the combination be?”

*I know this. Hold the camera and leave it to me!*

{CAMERA CHANGES, AND WE SEE A YOUNG BOY FIDDLING WITH THE COUNTER, WHO LOOKS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT}

*You sure about this?*

“As sure as my name is Jerry. Now hold on.”

{QUICK TURN LEFT SHOWS GUARDS UNAWARE.}

*Ulp.*

{TURN BACK TO THE BOY.}

*Hurry up, the guards are back!*

“Ok, and the last one is lemon. Gate’s opening.”

{MICKEY’S HOUSE INSIDE}

“We lost the guards. They’re in that ride that Jerry likes, Robert whatever.”

{THE CAMERA HITS RUSSELL ON THE HEAD}

*Roger Rabbit’s!*

“Fine. Anyway, we figured we’d see what wasn’t nailed down. Not a lot, as it turns out. Let’s see, this book called Mice Station Zero feels different.

DING!

*What did you-*

“Nothing, Jerry, honest!”

{ELEVATOR ARRIVES}

(Please board the elevator.)

“Wow! This is something I’ve never seen.”

*Don’t focus too much on it. The guards could be coming!”

“Right, in we go.”

{THE CAMERA HEADS INTO THE ELEVATOR. AS THE ELEVATOR HEADS DOWN, WE HEAR SOME GUARDS ENTER. EVENTUALLY, AT THE BOTTOM FLOOR, A TRAIN IS VISIBLE THROUGH THE OPENING DOORS.}

“Oh, wow. Where does this lead?”

*The lever has settings for Toontown, Toontown Fair, and Mickey’s Toontown. It says we’re at Mickey’s Toontown.*

“There’s a real Toontown?”

*Only one way to find out.*

(Now heading to Toontown, Home of cartoons. Careful, full cartoon action and motion ahead!)

{THE TRAIN BURSTS THROUGH WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A SUPER SURREAL LANDSCAPE. EVENTUALLY...}

(You have arrived at Toontown Station. Please exit when you have reoriented yourself.)

*Russell?*

“Go ahead without me. I’m gonna be sick for a while.”

*No, Russell, we’re going on. I don’t leave people behind.*

{AFTER ANOTHER ELEVATOR RIDE}

“Holy &?@%$, man. This isn’t what I expected at all!”

*You just censored that second word. This really is Toontown, isn’t it?*

“We are in so much trouble.”

{AT THIS POINT THE TAPE RUNS OUT, REPLACED BY WHITE TEXT ON A BLACK SCREEN}


[We found Russell in the Police Department, completely frazzled. Toon Patrol told us that he’d been overwhelmed by the happenings of that night, and couldn’t quite wrap his head around it all. The tape was in his hands. We never could find Jerry. But we know he’s an adult, same as Russell. Probably not a cast member. He slipped through a hole near an animation studio. By which I mean he made the hole himself. Funnybone Entertainment is now closed, and we are investigating the matter.]